All my life I have struggled to understand the oppression of women and other genders within our society. As a cis white man, understanding how the patriarchy impacts another gender can be very hard to come by, if even possible.  When I was younger, I could not see this oppression, so I naturally questioned it, I became critical of some viewpoints stated by feminists as I could not relate to any of the experiences. However, as I became older, and matured so did my views. I heard stories from friends of other genders, and quickly became horrified by the silence, control, and violence that can surround a person because of their gender identity. The most impactful, however, is hearing some of the actions of men that I had considered friends. In response, I desperately wanted to protect the people I cared about. The social concept of masculinity influenced me. I felt guilt, that I was completely ignorant to horrible things happening to some of the best people in my life. A masculine man is tough, strong, and can protect his loved ones no matter what. If I could not protect my friends, could I even be called a man?  I started to walk them to their cars, keep my eyes on them at parties, and do other cautious deeds. These deeds are generally mild and were fairly appreciated, but excessive control and over protectiveness can be quite troublesome. That masculine ideal of protection and strength can quickly become toxic. The idea of protection can easily be linked to domination, and the protection of women can be done with intention of care but can easily transition to the protection of women as property or as a contest against other men. I quickly realized that women and other genders are by no means helpless, and excessive care towards them can lead to a toxic path. I struggled with myself and my identity, wanting desperately to ensure safety, but fully realizing my own flaws that prevent me from truly achieving that goal. These people have dealt with this all their lives, and they do not need me to protect them. They need someone to care, to listen, and to help. I may not have much power as a friend, but if I have a future daughter, too much protection can be an example of a self-exertion of patriarchy, even if I have good intentions. Which led me to the idea of the photo. As a man under the patriarchy, you want to protect your friends, loved ones, and the things that you view as beautiful from the dangers of the patriarchy and any other danger of life. However, if you care too much, and smother them, you risk hurting them and becoming the thing that you want to prevent. The role a cis man can play in gender politics, and the pursuit of gender justice is a very powerful one, but it is equally as complicated and must be done with extreme care and consideration for women and the many other genders. The photo is a reminder for me to pursue the man I want to be, the one who his loved ones can rely on, and influence other men to pursue similar aspirations.

Patriarchy gives power to men to control the women, and other genders in their lives using their civil advantages. Men culturally, and traditionally have the most power within the hierarchies of the family, as they do in the social contract of marriage. The power men have over their children and wives is the same and is established through the authoritative nature of patriarchy. Rollo (2020) reviews various perspectives of the co-emancipation of women and children from the objects of patriarchy. Children are victims of great heteropatriarchal violence, as are women, which forces them into patriarchal norms. The significance of this in my own personal experience is the intention of the men who instill such violence, or oppression on their children and wives. At times it may be done with the intent of protection, to stop them from being bullied, or attacked. However, this can quickly turn into an authoritarian relationship of the family, where the child and wife have no say, and what the man decides goes. Therefore, the overprotection without care can cause what the father fears, the people they love getting hurt, in acts of rebellion, or from the father’s actions himself. 

The trouble of many men under the patriarchy is the influence of overwhelming masculinity on their actions and being. While masculinity is not an inherently bad entity, when it is toxic, its influence is very strong. Grant and Macdonald (2020) discuss the complexities of masculinity and shows that hegemonic masculinity should not be confused with patriarchal rule. Toxic masculinity is spread as insulting of the “negative qualities” of a man, primarily done by alt-right speakers. They hang on to the violent, tough, assertive members of the past, in the eyes of the alt-right and toxic masculinity, the less aggressive and dominant you are, the less of a man you are. The connection to my personal narrative stems from the true intention for the protection of other genders as a man. A man may genuinely care and want to protect every person in their life, without aggression, and this is not an example of patriarchal rule. However, if a man is protecting the other genders as a force of his domination in competition with other men, this is directly an example of toxic masculinity and exerting patriarchal rule. Men must be conscious about why they are truly trying to protect if they are to help with the emancipation of women and progressing in gender politics.